A state of limbo: life after someone has a stroke

I’ve been wanting to write about the situation that my family has been in since my mom’s stroke occurred back at the end of October. It’s been a very difficult, but weird, situation to be in given the strange upheaval in everyone’s lives that results from the stroke.

For the person who suffered the stroke, and ends up having an impairment like global aphasia, it’s bad enough. You’ve lost a lot from your life with a long road to recovery, the success of which really depends on how old you were when you suffered the stroke. It’s odd though that nobody seems to ever talk about the effect on the family who are left to pick up the pieces of the life of the stroke survivor.

In my Mom’s case she was living by herself but heavily supported by me. Given that she was doing all she could to deal with her health issues I don’t think she ever expected to have a stroke, let alone one that had such a profound impact on her daily life. I know I didn’t. Avoiding a stroke was the main reason for her taking a blood thinner and it didn’t prevent the clot that caused her stroke.

Now we’re in this state of limbo, with life sort of on hold, while she’s trying to recover from the stroke and we can see how well that recovery goes. I have to go to her house on a daily basis to check up on things, get her mail, etc. It’s a constant reminder of the state of flux we’re all in. The likelihood is she’s going to have to be in long term care once she’s finished at the skilled nursing facility doing rehab and we’ll have to sell the house.

Every time I’m at the house I’m looking at all of the things my mom loved and used. I’m looking at many things that have been around since my childhood. It’s a reminder of so many memories, hopes, and dreams. It’s all just sitting around waiting for something to happen but we’re not really sure what that something is or when it will happen.

I assume this is what it’s like when dealing with the belongings of a loved one that’s passed, but in that case there is no question of what has to happen as the person is gone. In a case like this the person isn’t gone, but neither are they returning. There is the constant reminder of who the person was knowing that they’re still around but not the same person they used to be.

It’s a situation I don’t wish on any family, but one that is pretty common and unless you’re rich, the system doesn’t do much to help you with. On top of the maze of dealing with someone else’s day-to-day care is a second maze of dealing with Medicare/Medicaid and finding a place for them when they’re in need of constant care that you aren’t able to provide.

After all is said and done I’m really not complaining here. My mom is still alive, she had excellent care quickly during the stroke, and excellent care now. I’m very grateful. It’s just a bit hard being tossed into the deep end of dealing with a life that’s unraveled and needs to be stitched back up again. It’s made worse when even extended family never asks how I’m doing through all of this, like my life hasn’t been affected at all.

As I said recently to someone in an email on a similar subject being an adult really sucks sometimes. If I had understood as a kid how hard it was going to be I wouldn’t have been in such a rush to grow up.